Jewish American Heritage Month

Posted By admin on April 26, 2020

Lori Gilbert-Kaye was an avid reader. The last book she bought was called A Time to Heal. It was on her nightstand at home when she was killed a year ago in the mass shooting at her synagogue, Chabad of Poway.

Sometimes her husband of 34 years, Dr. Howard Kaye, wonders if she left it there for him.

Its a little surreal, he said in a phone interview Friday afternoon, almost like she knew I would need it.

Written by influential Jewish leader Menachem Mendel Schneerson, the book is about coping with tragedy and loss, about finding a way to wring meaning and purpose from despair.

Kaye, 68, said its lessons have helped him to look forward, not back. To keep practicing medicine, my true mission, which hes done for 40 years as a specialist in rheumatology. To take the high road instead of fueling vengeance or anger. To lean on his faith.

And its helped him speak out on occasion about anti-Semitism, a deeply rooted toxin. His wifes alleged killer, now awaiting trial (and possible death sentences) in state and federal court, has been linked by authorities to an online screed, posted shortly before the shooting, thats filled with hatred and bigotry.

Lori was a person who demonstrated the very best of humanity, Kaye said, and the sad truth is she was killed because she was a Jew.

Hannah Kaye kneels at the burial of her mother Lori Gilbert-Kaye on April 28, 2019 in San Diego, California.

(K.C. Alfred / The San Diego Union-Tribune)

The April 27 attack in Poway, which also injured three other people, came six months to the day after one at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, which killed 11 people and wounded a half-dozen others.

It was followed by a fatal shooting at a kosher supermarket in Jersey City, N.J., on Dec. 10 and fatal stabbings at a Hanukkah celebration in Monsey, N.J., on Dec. 28.

Last Tuesday, the Anti-Defamation League released a survey showing that almost two-thirds of American Jews believe they are less safe than they were a decade ago. More than half have either experienced or witnessed an incident they suspect was motivated by anti-Semitism, and more than one-quarter have used strategies downplaying their Jewish identity to avoid being targeted.

This is not just some hate du jour, Kaye said. We keep lumping it with all the other hatreds, but its different. Its this unique, nonsensical hatred that never goes away. And when people hear it, they need to confront it. Dont condone it. Because this is where anti-Semitism ends up: killing people like Lori.

Howard Kaye, center, and his daughter Hannah Kaye hug after the final letter was inked into the new torah thats dedicated to wife and mother Lori Gilbert-Kaye, who was killed when a gunman attacked last April, during a celebration for the new torah at Chabad of Poway on Wednesday, May 22, 2019 in Poway, California.

(Hayne Palmour IV / The San Diego Union-Tribune)

April 27 last year was the final day of Passover, one of the designated times to offer memorial prayers to departed loved ones, and Gilbert-Kaye, 60, was at Chabad of Poway to say one for her mother.

Two weeks earlier, shed been at a wedding in Brooklyn and stopped into a bookstore to buy bibles for the Chabad, another way to honor her mother. Thats when she saw A Time to Heal and brought it home to her nightstand.

I think she bought it to help her with her grief over her mothers passing, Kaye said. But I dont think she ever got the chance to read it.

She was in the lobby at the Chabad when the gunman came in the front door, raised a rifle, and started firing. Also hit were Rabbi Yisroel Goldstein, 57, who was shot in both hands and lost his right index finger; Almog Peretz, 34, who was shot in one leg; and Peretzs 8-year-old niece, Noya Dahan, who was wounded in the face and leg by bullet fragments.

Howard Kaye, who was in the sanctuary, heard the shots and then calls for help from the lobby. He rushed forward and saw a woman on the ground, bloodied and not breathing.

As he recalled it later, my lifesaving medical training kicked in, and he started trying to resuscitate her. After several moments, it dawned on him who she was.

In shock, he passed out.

The days and weeks that followed were often unbearable, he said, the emotional pain indescribable. Their daughter, Hannah, a college student, struggled as well, he said. She and her mother were close.

At first, Kaye declined media interviews, chose not to speak out about what he saw as the root evil behind the shooting. Then, in July, he wrote an article for Newsweek, encouraging people to follow a moral compass in their daily lives.

Each time a murderous, twisted individual commits a crime of hate, the urgency to educate society about the basic laws of human civilization grows, he wrote. It holds the potential to stop the next atrocity.

A month later, he filled in for Rabbi Goldstein at a speaking engagement at the Chabad of Mesa in Arizona.

I wanted the world to focus on who Lori was and how she was taken away, Kaye said, according to an account on the website Jewish News. From my standpoint, I view her death as a figurative warning canary. She was such a peaceful and pleasant soul, and to be taken away by such senseless evil, it should have been a warning to the world.

The annual Friendship Walk at Liberty Station honored Lori Gilbert-Kaye, who was shot and killed at Chabad of Poway.

(Nancee E. Lewis)

The Anti-Defamation League keeps track of anti-Semitism around the country in an annual audit. It recorded more than 1,800 incidents in 2018, the third-highest total in 40 years. They included the Tree of Life shooting, the deadliest attack on Jews in the nations history.

In 2017, the number of incidents went up 57 percent, the largest one-year surge ever, according to the organization. It hasnt yet released figures for 2019, which would include the Poway shooting.

But numbers arent the only way to measure its impact.

Darren Schwartz, chief planning and strategy officer for the Jewish Federation of San Diego County, said the Poway shooting brought a renewed focus here on security at synagogues and other buildings.

The community has really come together to examine how we can make the facilities safe and secure, he said, while balancing that with the need to preserve the feeling of being welcoming and open.

The shooting also made it easier to talk to elected officials about anti-Semitism, he said. Its really terrible that it takes something like this to remind people that Jews in the U.S. are still victims of bigotry and hatred, but its enabled us to move this conversation forward.

Those conversations occurred before the onslaught of COVID-19 and its stay-at-home restrictions, which may be lessening some of the anxiety among Jews because the kind of large gatherings that sometimes attract physical attacks arent currently allowed.

But that doesnt mean the problem has disappeared, said Tammy Gillies, regional director of the ADL in San Diego. Online harassment is a growing concern, and more people are online now because theyre stuck indoors.

People are angry and frustrated, she said, and what weve seen historically is that when things are bad, the Jewish community is a target.

Mourners gather outside of Chabad of Poway for a memorial service for Lori Gilbert Kaye on April 29, 2019 in Poway, California.

(Sam Hodgson / The San Diego Union-Tribune)

But San Diego, she said, might be in a better position to combat that because of the awareness raised by the Poway shooting.

I think the community, and not only the Jewish community, was really changed by that act of violence, Gillies said. It opened some eyes to the fact that anti-Semitism is still rampant in our society.

Thats led to public forums and workshops here over the past year, she said, and one-on-one conversations with a variety of people about the problem of hate and what can be done about it.

I think people have been trying hard to make some meaning of what happened a year ago in Poway, Gillies said. Theyre trying to look for the good, use it to build community, and shine the light.

Dr. Roneet Lev laughs when she thinks about how her friend, Gilbert-Kaye, would have dealt with the coronavirus pandemic.

She led a life where every moment counted, so it would not have stopped her, Lev said. She would have rushed around to check on people, make sure they were still OK, her mask on and probably a little askew. She would have found a way to help. Thats what she did.

Gilbert-Kaye was the kind of person who hosted elaborate Seder meals during Passover for two-dozen people and still managed to deliver flowers to friends who couldnt make it, Lev said.

So thats what I did this year. I put my mask on and brought flowers to people.

Its been a year of tributes to Gilbert-Kaye. A horse race in her honor at Del Mar in September. A bench dedication at Lake Poway in August.

Lori Gilbert Kayes family members cut the starting line ribbon before the annual Friendship Walk at Liberty Station.

(Nancee E. Lewis)

In May, a couple in Pittsburgh who didnt know her personally gave their baby girl the middle name Lea, a nod to Gilbert-Kayes Hebrew name. It just felt right, Judah Cowen told the online site Chabad.org.

In December, a short street in Poway, not far from the Kaye home, was renamed Lori Lynn Lane. The city doesnt do that kind of thing very often, Mayor Steve Vaus said, but in this case the decision was easy.

Rabbi Mendel Goldstein of Chabad of Poway, right, looks on, as Jane Cohen, left, Lidia Kotlyar, foreground, and Roneet Lev, unveil the street sign, Lori Lynn Lane at the intersection of Stone Canyon Road, December 20, 2019 in Poway, California.

(Howard Lipin / The San Diego Union-Tribune)

She was somebody who shined a light wherever she went, he said. One of the things Ive come to learn from her family is that she loved Poway, loved to hike on the trails here, go to the parks. She was a special person, and Poway was special to her.

After Gilbert-Kayes funeral, her husband noticed that AM Israel Mortuary in the College Area had given him a 50 percent discount. When he called to thank them, they explained that they did for her what they would do for any employee.

Employee?

For 20 years, Howard Kaye was told, his wife had gone to the mortuary to bring flowers and read messages of comfort to the deceased who had no survivors. The mortuary considered her an honorary employee.

I knew she went to funerals, he said, but not that many.

The last day of Passover this year was April 16, a time again to offer memorial prayers like the one Gilbert-Kaye had wanted to say for her mother. This time they were said for her.

But because of the pandemics restrictions, the Chabad of Poway was closed. Rabbi Mendel Goldstein went to the sanctuary alone and recited Yizkor, holding a Torah dedicated to Gilbert-Kaye in May.

Sunday at 10 a.m., the synagogue is scheduled to air an online memorial service for her on its website. Pre-recorded, the service will include performances by some of her favorite cantors and remarks by one of her favorite rabbis, Jonathan Sacks, a British religious leader, author and member of the House of Lords.

In his comments, Sacks talks about the historic resiliency of Jews, about becoming stronger after tragedy. Take a curse and turn it into a blessing, he said.

Howard Kaye is trying.

Howard Kaye, center, husband of Lori Gilbert-Kaye, carries the new torah dedicated to his wife as Rabbi Yisarel Goldstein, right, and other members of the Chabad of Poway synagogue celebrate the completion on Wednesday, May 22, 2019 in Poway, California.

(Hayne Palmour IV / The San Diego Union-Tribune)

Read the rest here:
Chabad shooting, one year later: Seeking light in the darkness - The San Diego Union-Tribune

Category: Anti-Defamation League
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