The Problem With Calling a Jew a ‘Convert’ – Tablet Magazine
Posted By admin on June 4, 2022
Will I ever be Jewish enough? I asked. The question came at the end of an hour-long meeting with my soon-to-be rabbi, in August 2019. The meeting was meant to determine whether the conversion program at his synagogue was a good fit for me and my family; but my question for him was meant to determine whether Id be strolling through shul with a scarlet C over my head once I was officially Jewish.
Converts are Jews, he said. Full stop. Though my question had come out casually, my eyes told a different story; I was wiping away tears. Deep inside, I feared Id do all the work only to not be considered fully Jewish by those born into Judaism. The rabbiBeau Shapiro of Wilshire Boulevard Temple, in Los Angelestried to reassure me that converts are quite respected because they chose this path. And technically, he added, no one is allowed to ask if youre a convert anyway.
Ive since learned that most Jews have imposter syndrome: Reform Jews who compare their observance to their Conservative friends, Conservatives who compare their practice with their Modern Orthodox friends. To be a Jew is to feel you dont know enough. But take it from me, a mikveh swimmer since just before the time of the COVID-19 pandemic: Comparing your Jewish practice to your friends is very different from feeling like you wear your newish Jewishness on your sleeve, now and forevermore.
Which is why, as we approach Shavuot, the converts holiday, I ask you to please avoid the word convert.
As my rabbi promised, no one has ever asked me outright if thats what I am, and Ive never heard the hard-C pronunciation I feared, the word snarling its way out from behind the molars. But when it comes up innocentlyeven affectionatelyin conversation, not only is the word an ill-fitting descriptor, but also it immediately separates my Judaism from yours.
Literally speaking, a convert is one who has been converted, one who has been persuaded to change her or his beliefs. This surely applies to some: Four pupils in my course of study were there at the behest of their fiancs, so that they could have a Jewish wedding, and likely wouldnt have charted this path on their own. But this doesnt apply to me. Nobody converted me or persuaded me to change my beliefs. I was raised Christian, but always felt Jewish. I explored it off and on for decades; when my mothers 23andMe DNA test revealed she was actually slightly more than half Jewish, I felt like whatever permission I was seeking to go make it official had been granted. So no, no persuasion there.
At its best, convert describes a specific space and time when a person is moving from whatever spiritual space they inherited and into the Jewish space theyre meant to be in. But labeling someone a convert after the conversion paperwork is signed just underscores that we are different from you.
And we arent lacking for reminderstheyre all around us. Like at my daughters summer camp, which we toured with the incoming class of Ramah-niks. As the kids set off to check out the ropes course, the parents were corralled together, and our introduction icebreaker was to announce which Jewish summer camp we attended. I kept my three nights at a Brownie camp in the second grade to myself. There are the reminders when we visit friends during Hannukah, and theres not just one family hannukiah, theres a whole crop of themsome that were baby gifts, some crafted from bolts as a Hebrew school craft, some heirlooms. And speaking of, I dont have any. Every Shabbat, I set a kiddush cup on the table that holds no generational or sentimental significance. I bought it off an Instagram ad during my ceramics phase. For as much as I love my Judaism, a part of me is envious of those who never have to feel othered by it within the Jewish world. When I hear convert, Im reminded more of the ways I dont fit in and not of the many ways I do.
Labeling someone a convert after the conversion paperwork is signed just underscores that we are different from you.
I cannot share my discomfort with convert without also sharing that I have a very tight-knit community of Jewish friends and clergy, all along the spectrum of observance, who dont give a second thought to how I got here and make me feel like one of them whether were together for a simcha or shiva. And I am so grateful for my non-Jewish friends whove stood beside me on those same occasions, as if theyve known me no other way. Something all of those people have in common: No one calls me a convert.
Having always felt uncomfortable with the convert tag, I have looked into other possible descriptors. Maybe something was lost in translation, I thought. Certainly, whatever word convert is in modern Hebrew or Yiddish must be better. Nope! The word is ger, which means stranger, or worse, resident alien. A word that means youre not part of us cannot magically mean you are one of us.
Does that make me a Jew by choice, another popular alternative? It bears pointing out that program I was a part of what was called Choosing Judaism. A gentler approach, to be sure. But the trouble with this one is that I dont feel it was a choice. Judaism was always baked into me, something I just wasnt ready to pick at, until I couldnt bear not to a minute longer.
The truth is, there is no label that fits me except Jew.
As I tried to get to the root of all this, I was reminded of a real flash point during the process of becoming halachically Jewish, and it came at the very end of my mikveh. After my three submersions were complete and a chorus of Siman tov umazel tov was being sung in the background, the mikveh attendant crouched down, looked me in the eye, and said, Welcome home.
When youre home, you just are who you are. Sure, your experiences forever lie under the surface, but you arent being constantly reminded of them. The luxury and reward of feeling a sense of home is you get to just be there without dwelling on how you got there. At home, like you, I am Jewish. Not a convert. Just Jewish.
Read more:
The Problem With Calling a Jew a 'Convert' - Tablet Magazine
- US President Biden In Israel: 'You need not be a Jew to be a Zionist' - JNS.org - July 14th, 2022
- Chilean Jews outraged after booze vendor uses antisemitic meme in ad - Ynetnews - July 14th, 2022
- Jewish Morocco: Sorting Wheat From Chaff - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - July 14th, 2022
- That Time William Shatner Took On As-a-Jew Cyberbully Anna Rajagopal - July 10th, 2022
- Better to be a Jew Than Gay in Gaza, Says Gazan LGBTQ Man - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - July 10th, 2022
- Black Jewish leader works to boost inclusiveness - The Columbian - July 10th, 2022
- ARCHIVES: In early 20th century, sports were measure of 'Jewish manhood' J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - July 6th, 2022
- Rise of anti-Zionist Jews and heretical messianism - The Jewish Star - July 6th, 2022
- Joining, giving and teaching with Susan Kristol - Washington Jewish Week - July 6th, 2022
- CUNY Schools Jews on the New Race Regime - Tablet Magazine - July 6th, 2022
- Chabad Jewish Center of Troy to Open School this Fall Detroit Jewish News - The Jewish News - July 6th, 2022
- How have Jewish summer camps changed throughout the years? Experts explain - Yahoo Canada Shine On - July 6th, 2022
- Boris Nayfeld, the Jewish Gangster-Survivor, and the Birth of the Russian Mob in Brooklyn - CrimeReads - July 6th, 2022
- Meet the student rabbi who will join a New Haven-area pro-Palestinian Jewish group - New Haven Register - July 6th, 2022
- The Definition of the Jew: The Dimension of Freedom - Jewish Journal - June 26th, 2022
- Cha Cha Real Smooth is a charmer but its Jewish characters need some work - Forward - June 26th, 2022
- Meet every Jewish name that has ever been inscribed on NHLs Stanley Cup - Forward - June 26th, 2022
- Mapping Project unveiled by BDS Boston is a roadmap for Jew-haters - The Boston Globe - June 19th, 2022
- A Jew and an Arab walk into Auschwitz - The Times of Israel - June 19th, 2022
- How the Jewish community found a home in Japan - The Japan Times - June 19th, 2022
- Watergate's Jewish 'thing' & Nixon's thing for the Jews - The Times of Israel - June 19th, 2022
- To save the American Jewish community, we must build personal relationships - JNS.org - June 19th, 2022
- Following War, Russian Jews Congregate in Yerevan - The Moscow Times - June 19th, 2022
- Jew or Not Jew: Bill Gates - June 4th, 2022
- Jew-Hater Ayiana Love Accuses 'Israeli' Zoom of Deliberately Sabotaging ... - June 4th, 2022
- Who is a Jew? Israel's renovated Diaspora museum attempts an answer. J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - June 4th, 2022
- Another Jew is murdered in France - JNS.org - JNS.org - June 4th, 2022
- Vanishing Jews and replenishing our numbers - JNS.org - JNS.org - June 4th, 2022
- Building Bridges to Jewish Unity - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - June 2nd, 2022
- Fighting Jew-Hatred As Winners, Not Victims - Jewish Journal - May 25th, 2022
- California Jewish caucus' primary endorsements are a diverse bunch J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - May 25th, 2022
- How Jewish is the Queen? - Jewish News - May 25th, 2022
- How Jews push Jews out of the fight against antisemitism - Haaretz - May 25th, 2022
- Dispatches from the Jewish Rally for Abortion Justice | New Voices - New Voices - May 25th, 2022
- J. ARCHIVES: Bay Area Jewish delis of yore gone but not forgotten J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - May 25th, 2022
- It's not about you: Why the Forward's article on the anti-Jewish elements of the Buffalo shooter's screed was offensive - Forward - May 25th, 2022
- Antisemitic Vandalism Is a True Threat to the Jewish Community - Algemeiner - May 25th, 2022
- WATCH: Lufthansa ADMITS They Targeted Jews Who Did Nothing Wrong - VINnews - May 8th, 2022
- Jewish gangsters once took on Nazis in the streets of NYC - New York Post - May 8th, 2022
- Spanish Jews take the spotlight in Heirs to the Land, a Netflix series set pre-Inquisition - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - May 8th, 2022
- The Speech President Lawrence Bacow of Harvard University Needs to Give - Algemeiner - May 8th, 2022
- The Jewish community must stand with Ukraine - The Jewish Standard - May 8th, 2022
- Israel refusing to let me immigrate, Iranian Jew says - May 4th, 2022
- Reviving the Renaissance Temples of Venices Jewish Ghetto - The New York Times - May 4th, 2022
- A Russian Jew's Insights on the War in Ukraine - jewishboston.com - May 4th, 2022
- How an observant Jew became the mother of Jesus and Christianity itself - Forward - May 4th, 2022
- The Jewish World Of Harry Potter - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - May 4th, 2022
- This Black Jewish filmmaker is the spouse of New Yorks new lieutenant governor - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - May 4th, 2022
- "God of Vengeance": A Seminal Script in the Fight to Reclaim Jewish Identity | New Voices - New Voices - May 4th, 2022
- Yemeni Academic Dr. Abd Al-Wadud Muqasher: Muslims Must Exterminate The Jews; Allah Transformed Jews Into Apes And Pigs, They Are The Filthiest Of... - May 4th, 2022
- Putin wants to de-Nazify Ukraine thats ludicrous, say the countrys Jews - POLITICO Europe - April 25th, 2022
- 'It was paradise at the time': the little-known story of the Jews of Indonesia - Haaretz - April 25th, 2022
- New exhibit opens on history of Jews and cannabis - New York Post - April 25th, 2022
- Germany's Largest Newspaper: Jew-Hating Muslims Should Be Treated like Nazis - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - April 25th, 2022
- Remembering the only Jew on the first Freedom Ride 75 years ago - Forward - April 25th, 2022
- Report: Jewish Convert to Christianity to Lead March of the Living - The Jewish Press - JewishPress.com - April 25th, 2022
- Muna El-Kurd: Jews are Zionist Dogs, and 'Palestine' Should Be Ethnically Cleansed of Them - Committee for Accuracy in Middle East Reporting in... - April 25th, 2022
- Do you know this Jew? An actress known for her scandalous personal life and revolutionary activism - St. Louis Jewish Light - April 20th, 2022
- Arab Incitement to Violence Against Jews, Then and Now - The Wall Street Journal - April 20th, 2022
- It's time for Houston Jewish community to challenge antisemitism in the media - Jewish Herald-Voice - April 20th, 2022
- Jesus the faithful Jew: How misreadings of the Christian Gospels miss this and fuel anti-Judaism - The Conversation - April 20th, 2022
- The usefulness of Jewish amnesia - Haaretz - April 20th, 2022
- Mini-film fest to honor Gay Jewish Icon Harvey Milk this weekend in St. Louis - - St. Louis Jewish Light - April 20th, 2022
- Jew-Hater Ariyana Love Claims She Had the UN at Her Beck ... - April 11th, 2022
- German dictionary changes definition of 'Jew' after outcry ... - April 11th, 2022
- Amy Schumer is more Jewish than she thinks - Religion News Service - April 11th, 2022
- Blacks and Jews: Fifty-Five Years After James Baldwin's Negroes Are Anti-Semitic Because They're Anti-White - Literary Hub - April 11th, 2022
- Mayim Bialik assembles a very Jewish cast in her directorial debut J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - April 11th, 2022
- I am a Ukrainian Jew. I have lost my mother to Russian disinformation J. - The Jewish News of Northern California - April 11th, 2022
- Jew-Hater Captain Dan Hanley Digs Himself a Deeper Hole ... - April 7th, 2022
- For a Polish Jew Like Me, the War on Ukraine Is About Our Shared Futures - Jewish Exponent - April 7th, 2022
- How a conversion split and then strengthened Kenyas Jewish community - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - April 7th, 2022
- Ezra Furmans new song is inspired by her experience as a Jew and as a trans woman - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - April 7th, 2022
- Despite 10 years of promises, Jewish leaders have failed to make space for Jews of color - Forward - April 7th, 2022
- Jews Of Iran: A Community On Borrowed Time - I24NEWS - i24NEWS - April 7th, 2022
- Remembering the Jews of Mostyska - The Jewish Standard - April 7th, 2022
- "I'm the Jew!" - Jewish News - April 7th, 2022
- 'We are that united family': Russia's war uproots Ukrainian Jews amid false Nazi claims - USA TODAY - March 28th, 2022
- THE DEFINITIVE RAP: Jew Hatred Rising Interview With Richard Cravatts, PhD - VINnews - March 28th, 2022
- Zelensky Is a Jewish Hero. Some Jews Worry the Acclaim Won't Last. - Religion & Politics - March 26th, 2022
Comments