Far from Milwaukee, a son mourns with the help of an area synagogue – Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Posted By admin on May 20, 2022
Andrew Feldman| Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
My father, Jerry Feldman, had decided he had had enough. After two weeks in a Chapel Hill, N.C.,hospital, with terminal cancer and no quality of life left, he asked his palliative care physician to help him die. She removed his breathing support and ensured he had enough sedation to be comfortable. He was unbelievablybrave.
I will live on in you, he said, to help comfort me.
That afternoon, as my mother and I held his hands while he slept, I remember suddenly noticing a stillness about him. I glanced over at his heart monitor. In a devastating instant,I realized that one of the pillars of my life was gone. It was Feb. 12, 2019.
As a dentist in Milwaukee for 40 years before retiring to North Carolina, my father had been comfortable with medical issues. As it turns out, he had remained in control of his care to that very last day. He did it his way, to paraphrase his favorite singer.
Now I was learning to grieve deeply in a way I had never had to before. For several weeks, I shed tears frequently, if only privately. But soon I took a play from my emotional playbook that I had used all my life when I encountered sadness: I made myself busy. Between work and social plans, I made sure there wasnt much time to feel sad or, looking back, to process my emotions.
That sadness was there, though, hidden just under the surface. For example, I couldnt bring myself to go to Jewish services, even though I knew it would help the healing process. The reason: I was scared Id break down and cry, since Judaism for me was so connected with my father.
In fact, even before his death, going to services had always been a door to my emotions. My favorite songs, such as Oseh Shalom (the prayer for peace), or the mourners prayer known as Kaddish would leave me overcome with emotion, although Id always try to hide it. My fathers death only heightened that resonance.
Then the pandemic hit and so much of our lives moved online.
Ironically, the scourge of COVID-19 had one benefit for me, allowing me to reconnect with Judaism via Zoom in a way that felt emotionally safe. From my home in Washington, D.C., I rejoined the synagogue of my youth, Temple Sinai in Fox Point, mainly because of its thoughtful and insightful rabbi, David Cohen. From 800 miles away, I started regularly participating in Shabbat services, celebrating the sabbath.
During those online services, I could see into my fellow congregants living rooms, with their Green Bay Packers throws over their sofas. I thought: These are my people.
And the services did allow the flood gates of emotion to open. When they did, I simply turned off my camera and sobbed. It was cathartic.
I even placed a picture of my father and me a favorite one from Mexico next to my computer during services, as if to say, You know what, emotions? Ive always run from you, but youre welcome here. Lets be sad about Dads death. And lets be grateful for his life.
As I deepened my knowledge of Judaism as an adult, I realized how many Jewish services including every Shabbat and most holidays include the Mourners Kaddish. As Sarah Hurwitz notes in her book "Here All Along,"Judaism makes it hard for us to deny the reality of our loss.
These days, with the pandemic waning, Shabbat services at Temple Sinai are mostly in-person again, so I join via livestream on YouTube. That means I cant see peoples dogs and cats, or their Packers gear. But I still spend an hour almost every Friday evening in Milwaukee, a ritual thats become important to me.
This summer, Ill probably join a synagogue in Washington as well, to be part of an in-person faith community. When I do, Ill be bringing some transformational lessons learned. That includes the importance of embracing ones emotions and of finding ways to do so that feel safe and comfortable.
It also includes the realization that its OK to show emotion in public. After all, if I saw someone tear up in synagogue, Id immediately think, I know exactly how you feel.
My dad, in fact, would tear up when he felt emotion. And he lives on in me.
Andrew Feldman leads the Center for Results-Focused Leadership, a Washington, D.C.-based consulting practice focused on helping government agencies use evidence-based decision-making. Twitter: @AndyFeldman
Read the original here:
Far from Milwaukee, a son mourns with the help of an area synagogue - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
- Pittsburgh synagogue shooting families talk about how their lives have changed since the 2018 massacre - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - September 28th, 2023
- Im not religious, but my 10-year-old wants to go to synagogue what should I do? - Forward - September 28th, 2023
- Vandalised Kent synagogue raises over 8000 to boost security - The Jewish Chronicle - September 28th, 2023
- Rabbi in Odessa: 'The city shook from the shelling, the synagogue was full to capacity' - Ynetnews - September 28th, 2023
- OPINION: My synagogue is building affordable housing and ... - The Jewish News of Northern California - September 28th, 2023
- Yuma synagogue received bogus bomb threat over holiday weekend - Jewish News of Greater Phoenix - September 28th, 2023
- Rabbi in Odessa: 'The city shook from the shelling, the synagogue ... - The Federation of Jewish ... - September 28th, 2023
- New findings in the Late Roman synagogue of Huqoq - Aleteia - September 28th, 2023
- Beth El-The Heights Synagogue hosts Dinner in the Sukkah - Cleveland Jewish News - September 28th, 2023
- Likud minister: This year, I will attend synagogue on Yom Kippur - Arutz Sheva - September 28th, 2023
- Old police barracks and city synagogue among projects to get ... - Belfast Telegraph - September 28th, 2023
- Police urge gun owners to carry at synagogue as terror alerts spike at High Holidays - The Times of Israel - September 22nd, 2023
- After 20 years, a Westport synagogue project is coming to a close with playground approval - CT Insider - September 22nd, 2023
- I Fast On Yom Kippur But Dont Go To Synagogue And There Are Plenty Of Jews Like Me - Religion Unplugged - September 22nd, 2023
- Reports of the Death of the Synagogue Have Been Highly ... - Mosaic - September 22nd, 2023
- Aurora synagogue begins new year celebration with special event - Daily Herald - September 22nd, 2023
- Jewish man charged in plot to attack synagogue. His parents say theres more to the story. - Forward - September 22nd, 2023
- PHOTOS: At SF synagogue, personalizing prayer by making tallits - The Jewish News of Northern California - September 22nd, 2023
- Police Respond to Possible Bomb Threat at NYC Synagogue in Midst of Jewish New Year - The Messenger - September 18th, 2023
- May their memory never buffer: Synagogue yahrzeit memorials are ... - The Canadian Jewish News - September 18th, 2023
- A gun in every synagogue: Jerusalem cops gear up for holiday tensions - The Times of Israel - September 18th, 2023
- On Rosh Hashana, I skipped synagogue to find the holiday's ... - The Boston Globe - September 18th, 2023
- This Is Not the End of the Synagogue - Jewish Journal - September 18th, 2023
- I fast on Yom Kippur but dont go to synagogue. And there are plenty of Jews like me - Forward - September 18th, 2023
- Religions - Judaism: The Synagogue - BBC - September 7th, 2023
- Stained glass from Texas synagogue targeted by arson rebuilt into 3D eternal flame - The Times of Israel - September 7th, 2023
- Five Years of Reporting on the Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting - The Times of Israel - September 7th, 2023
- Judge Rules to Evict CJI from Touro Synagogue - Newport This Week - September 7th, 2023
- Schwartzben aims for Green Road Synagogue to be center of community - Cleveland Jewish News - September 7th, 2023
- Letter to the editor: Center, synagogue contain so much of Sumter's ... - The Sumter Item - September 7th, 2023
- About Us - Congregation Beth Israel - September 3rd, 2023
- Touro Synagogue in Newport will have new leadership after eviction ruling - The Providence Journal - September 3rd, 2023
- Egyptian synagogue once home to famed Cairo Geniza completes extensive renovation - The Times of Israel - September 1st, 2023
- Man accused of threatening witnesses, jurors during Pittsburgh synagogue shooting trial to remain in custody - TribLIVE - September 1st, 2023
- 20-year effort for synagogue on Ludlow Road hits another snag - Westport Journal - September 1st, 2023
- 'We are back as a family' | Austin synagogue hosts first service in new 'transitional worship space' years after arson attack - KVUE.com - September 1st, 2023
- The theater in Moldova that was once a synagogue - Ynetnews - September 1st, 2023
- Kyiv Celebrates 125th Anniversary Of The Brodsky Synagogue Amid ... - i24NEWS - September 1st, 2023
- The synagogue - Practices in Judaism - GCSE Religious Studies ... - BBC - August 26th, 2023
- Synagogue unearthed in Russia may be one of the oldest outside Israel. But not everyone is convinced. - Livescience.com - August 26th, 2023
- Judge rules in Touro Synagogue eviction. Here's what will happen to Newport congregation - The Providence Journal - August 26th, 2023
- On the Cover | Grand Re-Opening of Isaac Agree Downtown Synagogue - The Jewish News - August 26th, 2023
- The race to save Mosul's last synagogue - Jewish Insider - August 26th, 2023
- How this Romaniote synagogue keeps a Jewish minority within a minority alive - Forward - August 26th, 2023
- Second Temple era synagogue discovered in Russia - The Jerusalem Post - August 16th, 2023
- Vacant synagogue in West Hartford could become housing units - CT Insider - August 16th, 2023
- WV man accused of threatening jury and witnesses in trial of Pittsburgh synagogue gunman - Charleston Gazette-Mail - August 16th, 2023
- 76th reading of Washingtons letter at Touro Synagogue to honor ... - What'sUpNewp - August 16th, 2023
- Archaeologists discover ancient synagogue in the Black Sea region - HeritageDaily - August 14th, 2023
- Covering the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting and its aftermath tested me as a Jewish journalist - JTA News - Jewish Telegraphic Agency - August 14th, 2023
- In a Romanian synagogue, a play has ghosts eavesdrop on a towns Jewish past - The Times of Israel - August 14th, 2023
- A Jewish journalists experience covering the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting - The Times of Israel - August 14th, 2023
- Synagogue evacuated due to bomb threat in Fullerton - NBC Southern California - August 14th, 2023
- Man Convicted for Threatening To Blow Up San Francisco Synagogue - The San Francisco Standard - August 14th, 2023
- Chabad of Maui in fire zone, second synagogue shelters evacuees - The Jewish News of Northern California - August 14th, 2023
- Pittsburgh Synagogue Trial - August 6th, 2023
- Pittsburgh synagogue mass shooter sentenced to death by judge ... - August 6th, 2023
- Pittsburgh synagogue shooter is formally sentenced to death after victims families call him vile and worthless - CNN - August 6th, 2023
- 'Glad that there is vigilance': Local Jewish synagogue members react to anti-Semitic vandalism arrests - WEAR - August 6th, 2023
- After Pittsburgh synagogue shooting verdict, a congregation comes together for Shabbat - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - August 6th, 2023
- Former bookkeeper found guilty in synagogue theft case - KOAT New Mexico - August 6th, 2023
- Pittsburgh synagogue gunman will be sentenced to death for the nations deadliest antisemitic attack - KOLD - August 6th, 2023
- A jury weighs the death penalty for the Pittsburgh synagogue shooter - NPR - August 1st, 2023
- Jury ends 1st day of deliberations on whether Pittsburgh synagogue shooter should be sentenced to death - CNN - August 1st, 2023
- Judge orders 3 of the 'Newburgh Four' freed in New York synagogue ... - Reuters - August 1st, 2023
- Temple Beth El - Danbury, CT - July 11th, 2023
- The Pittsburgh synagogue shooter had the capacity to plan his attack, an expert testifies - Pittsburgh Post-Gazette - July 11th, 2023
- Expert witness testifies Bowers had capacity to form intent to kill in Pittsburgh synagogue shooting - WTAE Pittsburgh - July 11th, 2023
- Key prosecution witness says synagogue shooter proud of his killing, not delusional - Cleveland Jewish News - July 11th, 2023
- Construction workers uncover remains of Munichs main synagogue, destroyed by Nazis - CNN - July 11th, 2023
- Munich synagogue rubble found in river 85 years after Hitler had it demolished - NPR - July 11th, 2023
- Park Synagogue project receives $10M in tax credits - Cleveland Jewish News - July 11th, 2023
- Pittsburgh synagogue gunmans mental health is focus of punishment phase of death penalty trial - CNN - June 27th, 2023
- Reform synagogue in Jerusalem vandalized, Pride flag ripped down - The Times of Israel - June 27th, 2023
- Trying to save his life, Pittsburgh synagogue gunmans defense argues mental illness - The Times of Israel - June 27th, 2023
- Security increased at synagogue after weekend neo-Nazi demonstration - WSB Atlanta - June 27th, 2023
- Most families of the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting victims call for ... - NPR - June 27th, 2023
- Jury in Pittsburgh to begin sentencing phase in the synagogue ... - NPR - June 27th, 2023
- Synagogue schools: creating a sense of belonging to the Jewish ... - eJewish Philanthropy - June 27th, 2023
- Most frightening thing Ive ever seen, GA synagogue congregant ... - JNS.org - June 27th, 2023
Comments