Jewish American Heritage Month

Posted By admin on July 7, 2017

I cant tell you how many times Ive been approached by people, Jewish and non-Jewish alike, all asking me the same thing: Rabbi, Id like to be a Sodomite, but I just dont know how to start.

Believe me, I understand. Its easy to get confused about Sodomy. The way some people describe it, youd think that Sodomy involved exhausting physical contortions and esoteric sexual disciplines.

Not so! In fact, the biblical story of Sodom actually has almost nothing to do with body parts!

In the book of Genesis, the motivating factor for the residents of Sodom is not lust, but rage. What are the Sodomites so mad about? Well it turns out that a guy named Lot nephew of Abraham, the first Hebrew man has immigrated to the town of Sodom. The Sodomites dont take kindly to immigrants to begin with, but Lot goes even farther: He offers hospitality to other immigrants.

It is this act helping others in need thats the final straw for the Sodomites, the thing that brings the entire town of Sodom to Lots door, a murderous mob of venom and fury.

When you hear that somebody is helping the poor and vulnerable, somewhere in your town, do you too begin to feel the acrid and angry bile of resentment rising in your gut?

If you answered yes, then I have good news: Youre well on your way to being a Sodomite!

But anger is just a starting place. Here are five simple steps to becoming the best Sodomite you can be:

1. Be blessed with a lot of money. The Talmud, the Jewish peoples encyclopedic storehouse of lore and law, explains where Sodoms corruption came from. In a section of the Talmud called Sanhedrin, the rabbinic sages explain that Sodom was so blessed by God that bread literally came out of the earth, the stones of Sodom were made of sapphire and its dust was made of gold. If you really want to be a good Sodomite, it helps to be in the top 1 percent.

2. Develop a paranoiac fear of parting with that money. Despite having tons of money, the Sodomites irrationally obsessed over losing it. The sage Rabbi Nathaniel explained that, in order to prevent immigrants and the poor from taking any of their wealth, they even fenced in all the trees above their fruit so that it could not be taken not even by a bird of heaven. No doubt the people of Sodom would today live in guarded and gated communities, raging against any tax money that might somehow, tragically, end up in the hands of the poor.

3. Despite having plenty, refuse to help the needy in any way. Having lots of money is a good start, but to achieve Sodomite status youll have to go farther. This was the sin of your sister Sodom, explains the Biblical prophet Ezekiel. She and her daughters had pride, excess of food and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. So sure, of course youll want to refuse to help the poor in your town. But dont stop there! Make sure you refuse to provide the poor with any of the basic elements of subsistence, like proper wages, healthy food, safe housing and health care. Thats the genius of Sodom at work.

4. Prohibit immigration, and torture any immigrants who make it to your town. Sure, youve made the poor of your own city really miserable. But dont let down your guard there are people from other places to brutalize. The Talmud explains that any immigrant who somehow made it to the gates of Sodom was mercilessly tormented. The Sodomites had beds upon which immigrants slept if the visitor was too long for the bed, they shortened him by lopping off his feet; if too short for the bed, they stretched him out on a rack. A really good Sodomite would hound and harass immigrants and refugees, condemning them to torturous detention camps. Do you think you have what it takes?

5. Brutalize everyone else, just for good measure. As fun as it is, abusing immigrants and the poor sometimes just leaves you hungering for more. To remedy this problem, the Talmud explains that Sodom set up a high court populated by corrupt and perverse judges. Their rulings encouraged everyone to be awful to everyone. If a man assaulted another mans wife, the court would say to the husband, Give [your wife] to him, so she may become pregnant! If a person stabbed his neighbor, they would say to the victim, Pay him a fee for bloodletting! For Sodomy to fully take root, youll want to reinforce the message that violence, especially against women and the poor, is expected and praised. To ensure that violence fills the land, consider flooding your land with deadly weapons, like firearms.

Sounds daunting, right? So many boxes to check. And yet I think youll find that, with a little hard work, Sodomy isnt nearly as difficult to achieve as you might have first thought.

In truth, plenty of people, just like you and me, are right now doing their part to create a Sodomite society of cruelty to immigrants, indifference to suffering and a borderline orgiastic celebration of greed.

In fact, you might even say it almost feels like were living in Sodom right now.

See the original post here:

How to become a Sodomite in five easy steps! - Jweekly.com

Category: Talmud
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